When someone in a relationship says, “Do what you want.” this normally doesn’t mean “do what you want” at all! Often people say this at the end of a discussion because one person is so done with the conversation they just tack this last sentence on to the dialogue. Really reviewing the context can help you to evaluate a situation. We are going to talk about this specific example, but you might be able to generalize to other relationship decisions. This is where context can help you, ask yourself a few questions:
#1 – Is “do what you want” a reasonable response to what just happened?
I have seen men get in trouble with their ladies, because they didn’t realize she was being sarcastic. So while this might seem like a silly question, think it over. Was this said at the end of a calm discussion or a heated argument?
#2 – Is the person say this a laid back person?
My husband is pretty chill and when he says this, I know he is not just giving me enough rope to hang myself for a future argument. When he says something like this he means it. This is not always the case for other people so choose wisely. Do they really mean what they say? Only experience can help you with is one.
#3 – Is the person saying this passive aggressive?
When the person saying you are talking to is passive-aggressive, they might verbally agree with you now, but later, do something they know will press your buttons. The good news is that you are in control of your actions. Is doing what you want now, worth what is might cost you later. Sometimes, the answer is yes, but sometimes, it is worth asking the follow up question, “Do you really mean that?” My husband used to be passive aggressive so I know this one first hand. Over the 6 years we have been together, I have been working with him to become more assertive so he can speak up for himself.
#4 How does the idea of doing what you want feel to you?
This is the time to check in with your intuition if you haven’t already. Sometimes, people know that their partner didn’t really mean it, but they want to do something anyway and holster this “permission” in case it comes up in a fight. When you think about doing whatever action it is that you want does it speak to your higher self? Are you honoring yourself? Does it honor your relationship? For example, I love crystals, minerals, and gemstones. I know how much they have helped me, but my husband doesn’t believe in them… yet. When it comes to crystals, he tells me do what you want and I do. Crystals in my life help me to be a happier person who feels more fulfilled. Our house is full of crystals.
Tell us your relationship stories! When you do whatever you wanted? How did that work out? How did your partner response afterward?
Eva Borho, M.A., L.M.T., Holy Fire Reiki Master Teacher and Owner-Operator of Ascension Holistic Healing